You be the judge: should my boyfriend double-knot his shoelaces?

My boyfriend, Derren, doesn’t double-knot his shoelaces, and it’s annoying. We’ll be going somewhere, and often running late (which will usually be his fault, too). I’ll be speed-walking or regaling him with a story only to turn around and see that Derren is way behind me on the ground, tying his shoelaces again – or just completely out of my sight. It’s embarrassing. It means I’ll have just been talking to myself for who knows how long. I’ll admonish him when he catches up to me, and say: “Can you just let me know where you are?” but he just laughs.
I think Derren has an aversion to double-knotting his shoelaces just because I’ve asked him to do it. I feel that it could be a very simple fix. I’m not a double knot purist, but you need to understand when a situation calls for a certain knot.
I double-knot the shoelaces on my boots for example, because the laces need the extra help, but my Converse shoes work fine with single knots. Derren, meanwhile, laces up his shoes very loosely – I think he’s got weak fingers – so he really should tie a double knot every time. I have told him this, but he says he doesn’t like undoing them at the end of the day.
We’ve been together five years, but we were long distance for the first four of those so I didn’t notice the trailing laces. It only became apparent when we moved in together a year ago. We don’t have a car, so we walk or take the bus and train often. We’ve almost missed trains because of Derren’s loose shoelaces.
His laces are also dirty because they’re always undone. I guess he can be a bit slovenly. But the main issue is the embarrassment of me walking along talking to myself for a full 20 seconds when he’s nowhere to be seen. I’ve suggested changing his shoe style, but the only slip-on ones he has are ugly and also full of holes.
Derren likes the simplicity of single knots, and says retying his laces offers rare moments of pause in his day. While I have a lot of time for the idea of taking a moment to appreciate the world, his constant lace-tying does not give us rest; it stresses us out. It would be nice if Derren could let me know every time he pauses to retie his laces – or, ideally, change his lace-tying technique completely.
Even if I stopped and told Margy every time I was going to redo my laces, she would still admonish me. At the moment she says: “Derren, why don’t you double-knot your laces, you idiot!” I don’t think that would change if I gave her warning. I would rather just bend down and hope she doesn’t see. Seek forgiveness, not permission. We do actually communicate really well in other areas of our relationship, and always have done, but Margy hates that I don’t tell her this one thing.
I don’t even think it’s a big deal. I just don’t want to waste time double-tying my shoelaces every day, but she thinks I waste more time bending down to retie them. That’s debatable. My trainers have particularly slippery laces, but it happens with all shoes with varying frequency. People have stood on my laces in the crowd or whatever, but that’s their fault.
I probably bend down to tie my laces five times a day or more, but it doesn’t bother me. Sometimes you tie the right single knot and it’s fine; other times they come undone.
The reason I don’t double knot is because I find it so annoying to untie. I love coming home and kicking my shoes off quickly while everyone else fiddles with complicated-looking knots. I think: “Ha!” A single knot is superior, in my view. We’re not meant to meticulously unpick shoelaces.
I also think bending down to tie my laces connects me to the world. I might be deep in thought, or listening to a podcast, and when my laces come undone, I’ll stop to pause and bend down. By the time I stand up I might have a different perspective on the world. It’s a moment of meditation.
Margy thinks it’s funny that I have a book about knots. I’m not a knot enthusiast, but I have experimented with different knots. I think whoever invented the double knot thought they were cleverer than the single knot guy, but they actually made it more complicated. A single knot pulls apart more easily than a double knot and is perfect. I guess I could tell Margy more often when I’m about to tie my laces, but she could join me in the single knot revolution. We could meditate from the ground together.
Should Derren double up for Margy?
While both Margy and Derren have their faults (her lack of patience and his infuriatingly hippyish attitude to time spent tying his shoes) Derren is a grown man who can’t tie his shoes properly. A double knot is a fundamental step in shoe-tying, not an optional extra.Henry, 23
This is about a lack of communication: Margy talking to herself while Derren daydreams. But she only realises it when he has to tie up his laces and there’s no physical body to talk at. Also, “weak fingers …” Ouch. Definitely not a laces problem, is it?Carly, 38
Derren could buy laces that are less likely to loosen, but if he lets Margy know he’s stopping, it’s minimal harm. Rita, 55
Being in Margy’s (securely tied) shoes would drive me mad. If something’s upsetting your partner, there’s usually a quick and simple fix – by refusing to use it, you’re being selfish and awkward. Derren can “meditate” when he’s untying his shoes at the end of the day – or learn to tie a knot that a) works, and b) unties easily.Hannah, 47
I’d agree with Derren that noteworthy moments happen during a brief pause, and typically people are rushing around and miss things. A moment of meditation sounds beautiful. Margy could do with practising a bit of gratitude, and realising she’s with someone lovely and thoughtful.Jamie, 34
In our online poll, tell us: should Derren embrace the double-knot?
The poll closes on Thursday 5 September at 10am BST
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